Pain, Rain and Roses
by Sailor Sunset
Summary: Twenty one-shots, each based in the R Season over the infamous R break up. Very dark, suicidal. **Chapter 10 is Humor**
1. Dying Strong

My black umbrella leans on my  
shoulder like a grieving  
companion, and the thunder  
and lightning rages around  
me, striking on a distant  
building. The rain lashes down  
on my black umbrella, and the  
few raindrops that avoid the  
defense of my umbrella drip on  
me. They run down my cheeks,  
mingling with the tears that  
pour from my eyes. Hiding  
those tears, showing that I  
am not weak, and that I can  
live just on my own. But, I know  
that it is a lie.

The cold wind bites at my  
unshielded arm, and I wonder  
faintly what made the innocent  
force so angry that it could  
wreck such havoc upon already  
destroyed cities and small  
children and growing families.  
Maybe it was the anger of God,  
anger of how selfish the people  
of this beautiful Earth have  
become. How many mistakes  
we make, how his own creation  
trashes a world he made with  
his own hands. My slender  
fingers reach up to my umbrella,  
numb with the rain and wind  
of this storm and they fumble  
with the catch until my umbrella  
falls down. I smile distantly as  
a torrent of raindrops ambush  
my hair and face, my already  
strewn golden hair sticking to  
my wet body and the wind  
desperately trying to rip it off  
like a sworn enemy to the rain.

Revere the Night; the rain  
that mingles with my tears  
and the wind that numbs my  
pain; for the darkness is the only  
embrace that I shall ever feel, my  
only friend. When the light rejects  
me, the darkness opens it's arms  
and we shall grieve together.

Perhaps I am not loved, but I shall  
die strong and no one will ever  
know that I was actually weak.

Darkness shall grant me my last  
wish; to die strong, the last hope  
of my shattered heart.


	2. Angel Wings

I wish for this night time to last for a lifetime,  
For the solar sea surround and the darkness around  
A kiss that lasts until I reach the ground,  
Still reaching out for your touch, blue eyes so shallow  
Yet so deep, I shall wallow in grief and sorrow.  
Run my fingers throughout your jet black hair,  
Let my own golden locks flail in the air.  
A grip so tight the air shall shatter  
Shards of my heart that the wind shall scatter.  
Midnight blue eyes filled with melancholy  
Golden stars play a moonlight melody  
Your touch disappears like ripples with a reflection  
Yet your eyes no longer hold that affection  
I reach out for something that isn't there  
My hands desperately gripping the thin midnight air  
I sob, my tears dripping onto the moonlight  
A sovereign watching me, her eyes filled with fright  
I cry for the person that was once my love  
His touch was as soft as the clouds above.  
My soul aches for his, my heart sobbing for another  
I cry out, 'I'm sorry, Queen Serenity, my mother  
This was all in vain, for once again my life shall end  
My broken heart is far beyond amend  
I stole a kiss before I would die  
Let me grow an angels wings and teach my soul to fly."


	3. Hidden Pain

My back hits the water, and bubbles swirl around me,  
taunting me with their supply of air. My hair flails  
around me, my clothes heavy on me and sticking to  
my skin. My metallic blue eyes look out into the water,  
and I wonder how I got here. Why am I doing this?

That kiss we shared seems like a century ago, when  
in reality it was only a week ago. My hand reaches  
out in this water for something that isn't there. Those  
eyes that are so deep, and that jet black hair that is  
so beautifully smooth. I want to run my fingers  
through it, I want to hold him tight, I want to feel his  
touch again. Yet, I will never see that affection in his  
eyes again. My hands clench into fists, my back hitting  
a sharp stone on the ground. I cry out in pain, the last  
of my air soaring towards the surface. I look at the  
surface, and I see the crescent moon, hanging in the sky.  
I hold myself. Strange, I had thought death would  
be more painful than this.

I like this experience. But I'll only feel it once, and then  
it will be the end. I think my time has ran out, for now.  
Maybe I'll feel him again in the eternal dream of death.

The water hides my tears, and this cold numbs the pain  
of my broken heart. Death will remove me from seeing  
him again; I'll never have him reject me again, or see  
those cold eyes of hate look at me once again.

Let me fall from the light and into the darkness,  
comforted by the deathly cold that numbs me from  
feeling the pain of loss.


	4. Broken Promises

I long for your touch, but I know I am longing for  
something I will never have. I step forward, the  
thorns of the garden of roses at me feet dragging  
themselves across my legs, leaving trails of  
scarlet. Oh, how I wish to dream again, of when  
we were still in love. You still gave me that  
affection, still entwined your fingers with mine,  
still gave me those tenderly soft kisses that I  
long for now. You are a luxury that I cannot  
obtain. No matter what I do, no matter what I  
say, some how you remain out of my desperate  
reach. These roses remind me of you, how you  
always saved me, your very scent remains in  
these roses. Your lips tasted of roses, a sweet  
taste that is tainted with the promise to protect  
each other forever, to love each other until the  
end of eternity.

But what is the use of a promise if they are made  
just to be broken?


	5. Save Me

Slamming my fist on the windowsill, I look tearfully  
up at the moon. That moon; that got us in this  
mess. If Princess Serenity never existed, I  
wouldn't have to go through this. "I love  
Serenity, not you," he'd cried, and it cut me like a  
knife in my heart. But a knife in my heart wouldn't  
hurt nearly as much as this does. Knowing that  
he couldn't love me, but could only love my  
opposite. Princess Serenity, beautiful, graceful,  
mature and intelligent. Everything I'm not.  
"What?" I whisper. "What did I do to deserve this?  
Why can't he love me? How could he love her, not  
me, thinking we're the same when we're most  
certainly not?" My voice rises to a scream. "I'm  
always helping someone else! Who's going to help _me?!_"  
Tears stream down my face, dripping onto my  
windowsill. I know that Luna is watching me, but  
I honestly couldn't care less right now. Besides, it's  
not like theres any way she could help me in the  
universe. My voice lowers to a whisper. "Is that  
what I was reincarnated for?"  
"This time find happiness, Serenity, with the one you  
love." I remember my mothers smile, and I bitterly  
grimaced. I remember his cold eyes, his words of  
rejection echoing in my mind. I remember  
everything horrible he said about me.  
"IS THAT WHAT I FELL IN LOVE FOR?!" I screamed,  
collapsing into a weak sobbing on my bed. It's true; I'm  
always saving someone else.  
But who's going to save _me?_


	6. Unrequited

I've kept those roses that he gave me so long ago.  
It's not like anyone knows. I took some petals from  
them, and used it to make a rose perfume. It's still  
fermenting, and I keep it in a bottle and I leave it  
with my clothes to make them smell nice and it  
helps me remember better times. Sometimes it  
does, sometimes it makes me cry. But I kept the  
roses hidden. In the park, behind the trees, and  
through the path in the nettles and brambles, I  
planted the roses. Everytime I go to them, it gives  
me great pain, for the thorns and nettles and  
stings drag through my skin, but I still go to them. I  
water them, and it is in the furthest part of the park,  
so it receives the light first in the morning. When  
I'm sad, at dawn I'll go to the park. Usually after a  
youma attack and I've seen him again. I'll go to the  
roses, and smell them, and I'll imagine that I'm in his  
arms again. Imagine that I can still taste his lips,  
and pretend that I can still hold him and that we're  
still in love. They've grown, the roses, and other  
roses have grown also. There is actually quite a lot  
now, so it's like my secret rose garden. I don't care  
how many cuts I get, because I can never feel them  
. Every rose has a thorn, but I'd get scratched by  
two thousand of them if I could only feel that familiar  
warmth again. When dawn comes, I know I must  
go home, and sometimes I rub a rose petal on my  
lips so I can remember him.

I think it's the only thing that is stopping me go insane.

If you've felt someones warmth, tasted their lips, fallen  
in love with them, and you love everything about them,  
and you've ran your fingers through their jet black hair...

How are you supposed to forget them?

Dawnlight pours on my face, and I stand up. Tears  
gather in my eyes, and I hold my hands to my chest. I  
remember, in the Silver Millenium, that they used to  
call this stone the stone of illusions. I understand why  
now; if it was created by my love, why aren't I being  
loved back? But, I suppose...

The strongest love is the love that remains unrequited.


	7. Broken Hearted

I touch a reflection. I see Luna. Luna,  
with black fur and comforting eyes  
that are filled with concern. Perhaps  
I have gone insane; I wouldn't have  
actually been that surprised. If you've  
touched, kissed, held and died with  
someone you love, how is it possible  
that you can live without them? I  
don't think I can live. I'm dying inside,  
I don't know how long you can live  
with a broken heart, but it can't be  
more than a month or two. The rain  
patters on the window, interrupting  
the reflection I see. It jolts me awake,  
somehow, and I begin to realize that  
Luna has been scratching me on the  
arm to wake me up from this trance for  
the last five minutes. I pick her up,  
burying my face in her fur, which in a  
minute, I know will be damp with my  
tears. She snuggles into me, offering  
me comfort, but I abruptly drop her  
onto my bedspread. Something has  
just frightened me so much, that I am  
left speechless. I lean forward, the rain  
still pouring onto my cold window.

That girl; in the window is not me.

She's thin, she's quiet. She's weak and  
her hair is pouring onto the bed  
around her. She's so thin and weak  
that when she lifts her hand up to touch  
the window, her hand shakes as she  
brings it up. Each breath she takes is  
a shuddering gasp, and her hair is  
entangled in her legs. Her eyes aren't  
the sky blue they once were, more like a  
midnight blue that is darker than black  
itself. Her pajamas hang off her body, her  
lips are cracked and her mascara is  
smudged severely.

I see someone broken hearted.


	8. Depression & Regression

I will kill him.

He is burnt toast. I went to see her  
the other day, she was so... different.  
And it wasn't progress, it was a total  
regress. Total and utter regress. She  
was thin, her breath was raspy, her  
eyes were dull, and she was so weak.  
And she only sits on the bed all day,  
her mother brings up food but she  
often pushes it aside and leaves it  
there. I managed to get a few mouth  
fulls down her, but that was all. Her  
mother brought up lemon pie, and  
she just left it there. That is just so,  
so wrong.

I remember when we used to have  
to stop her eating, to make sure  
there was an equal share, and now  
we can't even get a meal down her.  
Not even a mouthful of dessert. And  
she likes the rain! That's just plain  
inhuman! A storm was on outside,  
lightning striking everywhere, and  
she opened her window and leaned  
outside. The rain came lashing down  
on her, and she gave the first smile  
in a while. The great fire tells me nothing  
of what will happen, only an illusion of  
the Princess standing on rock, and  
then she disappears in a sudden flow  
of rocks as the ground beneath her  
shatters in an instant. She doesn't  
deserve this. So I will kill him.

Depression is not for my precious friend.


	9. Inhuman Death

I know that she's dying. I don't want to say it.  
But I know. I haven't told anyone, because she  
stays in a lot; but when she does go out she  
puts on so much make up and dresses herself  
up so no one will think anything is wrong with  
her. But she is. She's gotten so thin and delicate,  
I think even I could snap her wrist in an instant.  
Her eyes are so much darker than they used to  
be, every breath she takes is a shattering gasp,  
as if she has just ran a marathon. Even though  
we argue so, I really do care about her. And it's  
killing me to see her like this.

Maybe, if I got Sailor Moon to help her, she'd be  
better, but I heard her say to herself (I think) the  
other day. The few times she does speak, anyway.

"Only the knife that shattered the heart can  
mend it again." Her voice is so raspy. It's like  
she's not even human anymore. She's still her,  
beautiful. I've always secretly wanted to be  
like her, long slender legs, graceful arms,  
beautiful shining eyes. Her eyes have dulled  
now, they don't hold that same happiness  
and all loving joy.

I understand that he left her, but her friends  
have all been broken hearted, and they all got  
over it. I saw him push her away so harsh,  
and that was the last time I ever saw her have  
that same shine in her eyes, I ever saw her  
look human. It's gone now, replaced with this  
inhuman, quiet girl that isn't her at all. It's a  
melancholy girl, always reaching out for him,  
wanting his touch. I want to heal her  
somehow, and often I look in her room. Even  
though the door creaks loudly, she barely moves.  
She stares at the mirror or the window,  
seeing something that wasn't there.

She smells of roses. I always wonder why,  
because she hasn't seen him in ages.  
Sometimes I wonder if she's gone insane, but  
I think she's just an empty shell of who she  
used to be now. I'm so glad that he hasn't seen  
her, because if he did, I'm not sure how he'd  
react to who she is now. She'd probably just  
silently cry, walking past him. Her silent tears  
are the scariest. Some things scare me, but  
that scares me the most. Occasionally, he  
asks me how she's doing because he doesn't  
see her and wants to know how she's reacting.  
I just twirl my pink hair around my fingers  
and reply, "Oh, she's fine." As if. She's so far from fine.

Every night, she gives up her bed for me, the  
whole thing. Often she doesn't sleep at all, she  
just watches the rain. I don't know why it rains  
all the time nowadays, but it's rather odd. It  
shouldn't be raining, it should be sunny and  
shining. But I guess the weather weeps with  
her, however if it really cares it should try and  
cheer her up. Give her a ray of hope.

One time, I gave her a hug to try and cheer her  
up, and she looked so surprised. She hugged me  
back, and something really scared me. She was  
as cold as stone.

I don't want her to die.


	10. Ingenious Revenge

I decided it was time for humour. Mainly because I've been way too dark lately. Just a tiny bit of humour, okay? A small poem.

I'll bash him with my textbooks

Shoot him with a calculus gun

Smack him with that new dictionary

That weighs over a ton

Slap him with my hand

Kick him with my foot

Whip him with the material banner

Labeled 'Square Route'

Scratch him with a broken check out scanner

Cook him at 100C until he's smoking

Use him as a test dummy and I'm not joking

Squirt a flame thrower at him until he's crying

Hit him with my English book until he's dying

Because he hurt my first ever friend

And that is why

HIS LIFE WILL END.


	11. Jet Black Darkness

Jet black darkness.

That's what I saw in her eyes;  
even though they are a beautiful  
sky blue, they have transitioned  
to a metallic blue that is darker  
than black itself. They don't hold  
the same innocence and  
happiness. Sure, I conjure ice at  
every enemy I face, but I'm still  
scared every time I see those  
unseeing eyes looking at me, in  
truth seeing something that is  
not there. A hallucination, her  
mind playing tricks on her once  
again. I hate it. And…

It's all _his_ fault.

His fault. Damn him to hell; every  
time I see her cry, my very first  
friend, I want slap him and kick  
him and kill him in an avalanche  
of text books. But, even though  
her heart is shatter into a  
thousand pieces, she still won't  
let me. Because she wouldn't be  
herself if she didn't do that.  
Sometimes, I wonder what she's  
turned into. An empty shell of the  
lively girl she once was. She's  
alone, surrounded in her own  
loneliness. Holding herself for  
warmth, longing for that certain  
warmth that could mend her in an  
instant. When she envisions that,  
holding it in her arms, I look in her  
eyes.

And all I see is jet black darkness.


	12. Roses

Lonely and dying, she coldly sighed

Eyes unseeing, like one who died

She plucked a sharp stem, fingering the blood

Her spun gold hair whispering in her hood

And out of these roses, she made a bed

A stony pillow for her head

And she looked out to the moonlit lake

And then this maidens heart did break.


	13. Peaceful Dying

Her finger nails scratched against the bark of a tree

Her eyes dreamless of one who cannot see

Yet she sees, but not what we do

She sees the one who broke her heart through and through

Jet black hair brushing his forehead

She begins to cry, showing she is not dead

But her sobs are silent, her tears are cold

Like an un-rotting corpse of one untold

Her cold fingers whisper along her hair

Her crying eyes break into a stare

And so, this maiden did not die

She simply looked up to the sky

Looking, whispering, wishing for peace

Peace that comes with death should she seek.


	14. One who Died

Her eyes of unseeing dark across her hands

Seeing the blood that was never there

Her blood of betrayal, her betrayal she sees

And she knows that her death scarce pay for those fees

And so, she faded through glittery pain

Pattering next to her laid the rain

Yet her spirit wandered, across her glistening eyes

Looking at the sightlessness

Of one who died.


	15. Lone Insanity

Raining, pattering falling through eyes

Falling through her eyelid from each of her cries

Her tears glisten, hanging in the air

Seeing for a moment if she even cared

Cared that she was falling, falling, falling

And yet she fell from sanity

Right to her death.


	16. Apologize

Soulless body falling through the air

Darkness surrounding her aura there

She did not feel, yet she did not cry.

She convinced herself that she must die.

Die for her companions who deserved much more

The loyal friends that constantly stood in her door

Protecting, watching, for something worth small

As she falls, she begins to call:

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I wished for this night time

This night time that will last for a lifetime

Death is like a knife through my heart

Yet it is nothing compared to what you did to me."


	17. Through the Looking Glass

Blood seeps through her hands

Her sorrow seeking through the lands

And as her heart broke, she began to cry

She began to cry as she began to die

Her hands clutched to her chest,

She took a sorrowful glance

As her sweet aura faded into the ground.

Her once sky blue eyes closed

They were now an icy grey

Her death was a dawn

A horrifying dawn

The dusk brings dew-strewn grass

And her death is through the looking glass.


	18. Forgotten

The blue haired woman scrubbed the pans hard, bubbles  
squeezing out of the sponge forcefully. Her daughter.  
Her poor daughter.

She'd changed so much. Her blue eyes didn't sparkle  
any more, her golden hair didn't bounce any more. Her  
pink lips didn't smile any more. It had only been two  
days this way and already the world had seemed to go  
that bit darker for this lonely mother.

Her poor baby had even started getting good grades  
in school. Good Lord, where was her true daughter?  
She didn't klutz out anymore, she didn't do anything.  
She just sat on her bunny bedspread, her midnight cat  
sitting in her slender lap. That reminded her; her  
daughter needed to eat. She was thinning noticeably.

Today, she was determined to cheer her daughter up.  
Her other daughter, the pink haired one, seemed  
especially keen to help. They both walked into the  
blonde girls bedroom, sitting down on her bedspread  
next to her. "Honey, I believe your forgetting something."

"I don't think I'm forgetting anything, Mother." The  
blonde girl looked at a broken picture across the  
room, in a glass frame. "Although there are some  
things I would like to."

"It's your birthday, dear."

"And?"

And that was when this lonely housewife felt her  
heart break into a million and one pieces.


	19. Through a Childs Eyes

She missed those arguments.

Her pink, pointed buns bounced as she stood up, sighing. She slept in her bed often now. Not like she noticed! She was too busy crying, or just feeling void of feeling, or either sleeping. Or maybe just stroking Luna. Either way, it scared the little girl.

She'd secretly loved those arguments with the blonde. She reminded her of her mother. She was also blonde, and caring, and she was kind and sweet. Maybe this girl was a bit clumsier and less graceful, but there was still a very odd resemblance that comforted her. It often gave the little girl hope that she could live up to the unreachable idol that was her beautiful mother.

And him. She was really not sure if she should hate him or love him. On one hand, he took away the girl who she loved so much; but on the other, he soothed her and dulled the pain of being alone. It was as if he had been alone also.

The pink haired child sat back down again. Turning to the blonde, she sighed. "You ever going to get over him?"

The blonde turned to her, laughing, but without any sort of positive emotion, such as amusement. "Of course not. My heart has broken into two..."

"...and the other half belongs to him."


	20. Anger through Solitude

A garnet orb glistens in the mist. A golden door made of a Lunarian wood glitters with an unearthly glow. Green hair that is darker than black itself blows gently, strewing itself over a black Sailor suit. Scarlet eyes watch silently, looking at a broken hearted angel.

She has tried to be void of emotion, yet it seems impossible. She can't deny the fact that she wants to pound her own King into pulp. The Queen is so vulnerable, so innocent; she deserves nothing of this. And from her destined lover, for Gods sake!

Her thoughts wander upon a certain pink haired child. Her lips twitch as she calls upon the fact that the Queen has named her unknown daughter 'spore'. Yes, she was a spore – but her own spore. She blushes. Yep, the King and the Queen certainly had it going on. They still have it going on, but maybe less obvious for the pink one.

The scarlet eyes become shifty with nervous embarrassment at her own thoughts.

She still wants to pound her King into pulp. He deserves it. The Queen is a fallen angel; with gold spun hair that no longer shines, with blue sapphires as eyes that no longer sparkle, with the body of a model that sat still. Sapphires that shed tears through day and night at the unfairness of her King, of her love. Him supposedly 'breaking' the red string of fate. The sailor suited soldier decides that this is destiny, not fate. It was supposed to happen.

That doesn't mean that the King will not get a black eye, though.


End file.
